200185194-001.jpgI have been teaching since 1986….I started my career in a girls’ school….worked there for two years then shifted to a boys’ school,and there has been no looking back since then!

It is fun to interact with small children….they keep the child in you alive.They worship the ground you walk on….and everything that “Miss ” says is right!!I,for one,am happiest in school.Unlike all other working people,who hate Mondays and love Fridays ….it is the opposite with me…I look forward to Mondays and feel miserable on Friday evenings (sure signs of hormonal imbalance within me!!!)Well,when you read the following,you might just understand why I feel this way!

Boys of class one:- ( I taught in the first standard for 8 years,before being promoted to standard two!)

1.oral counting…. “eight,nine, ten…. onety one (for 11) and onety two (for 12)!!!” ( simply adorable)

2.For Teachers’ Day…one kid gave me an umbrella….gift wrapped.Of course,I did not open it there and then so I put it away in my cupboard.He could not hold himself…he came to me and told me “Miss,I gave you an umbrella…it cost Rs.100 !!!” I don’t know who was more embarrassed…his parents or I!!!

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3.The children were given the “young of animals”and were asked to learn for a test.One little chap….probably forgot to do his homework..wrote the following answers for the test…

pig……..piglet (the only correct one!!!)

dog……doglet

cat..catlet

horse….horselet

(If only life was as simple…..and,why couldn’t these be the answers anyway!!!!)

4.Children were given certain words to make sentences with.One of the words was “mother”

One child wrote…

My mother has many boyfriends. (Grammatically correct…and I had to give him full marks!)

The books were sent home for parents to see and sign….(I can imagine the reaction of the poor father) …For Open Day,after a few weeks,the mother came in with a new husband!!! (So,the child did actually write what he had been seeing at home!)Be careful you guys out there…do not underestimate your 6 year olds!!!

5.This one is very interesting…

A class four student was brought to me ( I am Supervisor of the junior school,and I have to cope with all this nonsense) for having uttered the four letter word!!!( Oh yes,they start young!!)

Well…I immediately called up his mother,who came in puffing and panting!Poor lady was a totally Hindi speaking person!I told her that her son had been saying “naughty things”…she asked him “kya bola beta? The”beta” at first, refused to disclose…then on persistent questioning by mommy dear…he softly uttered the word close to her ear!She looked perplexed…and loudly said ” *_ _ _ _*?woh kya hota hai? Miss,iska matlab kya hai? GOD…I said to myself….now what???She kept repeating the word……and then when she saw there were no signs on our part of enlightening her,she brought out her cell phone and said “Papa ko phone karke poochti hoon ki *_ _ _ _* ka matlab kya hai!!” I jumped from my chair…..no papa on the scene…what if he,too,did not know the meaning!!! I went close to her and whispered in her ear,as decently as I could,the meaning of the darn word!Phew…..over and done with!!Her eyes opened in awe….I thought she would burst a blood vessel!!!She whacked her child…..my heart went out to the poor guy…..and I ended up feeling guilty about the whole episode!

One thing was for sure….a new word had been added to her limited list of English vocabulary!!

6.One of the kid’s shoe laces had opened up…..fearing that he might trip over them..I bent down and tied them.Lo and behold!When I looked up,there was a line of kids with open shoe laces….some even had the laces out of the eyelets and in their hands….all waiting to be tied!!! I realised then that they would do anything to get a little attention from their teacher!!!!Now that is what I call a “back breaking” experience!!Ouch!!!

7.While in class,one of the little one’s front tooth came out.He came up to me holding the little pearl like tooth in the palm of his little hand,and opened his mouth wide ….showing off as if he had just returned from the battle field!!!I sent him off to rinse his mouth.He came back,still clutching his precious little tooth….and asked me “Miss,what to do with the tooth?” I told him to wrap it up in cotton wool and put it under his pillow and then make a wish before going to sleep that night!!( thanks to all the myths and fairy tales we had read during our childhood!!)The next day he came up to me and with a look that said”I don’t trust you anymore”said “Miss, my wish did not come true!!”

OOPS!!! He had got me there!!!Anyway,I had to cover up by saying “maybe the little tooth fairy is busy now,but your wish will surely come true some day!!” I sincerely hope that the “fairy” has taken care of it by now!!!

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8.One little fellow had fever and had developed some rash on his face.I was suspicious that it was Chicken Pox,so I told him to go home else it would spread.As soon as I left the classroom to call for his parents,he went about scaring the rest of the class saying “I am Chicken Pox Man”.When I went back to the class,all the children complained about him…he was, of course, sent home(Sure enough,it was chicken pox!)The following week nearly half the class was down with chicken pox! Thanks to The Chicken Pox Man!!!

9.Once, during a conversation class with the children,I asked each one what their mothers did.Several of them said…”my mother is a teacher”…”my mother is a doctor”….”my mother is an officer”…and so on….when I came to one child whose mother was a housewife…he quickly answered….”my mother is a cooker!!!”

10.I asked one child to go and give a book to one of the lady teachers in the staff room.I asked him “who will you give the book to?” He answered, “to him”….Raising my eyebrows I queried “HIM???” He quickly corrected himself and said “To shim !!!” ( point to ponder upon…if we could say “he “and “she” then why not “him” and “shim”!!!!)

11.I had gone for a haircut to one of the newest beauty parlours…the talk of the town….anyone who had gone there for a haircut came out looking 10 years younger ….I,of course,didn’t want to be left far behind..so I visited the parlour.Though the beautician did go a little heavily on my hair and gave me a rather short  style…..and charged me a bomb….I felt good….and got a number of compliments from other staff members.

When I went to class….one of the bright sparks stood up and said “Miss,you had a haircut?” Feeling pleased,that my new hairstyle had been noticed even by my babies….I proudly said…”Yes…isn’t it looking stylish?” Bang came an answer from another little fellow,”Miss,you are looking like a boy!!!!!” God…..talk about ego bursting!!!! Quickly recovering from the shock I said, “Yes,this is a boys’ school,so even I have to look like a boy!” Barely had I got over one rude shock….when another one piped up “Miss,did the barber cut your hair?”booooooooooooohoooooooooooooooo……..my beautician will surely get a heart attack if she reads this…I nearly did!!!